The Detox Diary, Part 1
Editor’s Note: In this two-part series, frequent Style File contributor Maya Singer makes like Gwyneth and seeks out Dr. Frank Lipman and his new Eleven Eleven Wellness Remove Detox for a little “spring cleaning.” Here, she reports from deprivation’s front lines.
It’s been two hours and 13 minutes since I had my early-morning shake today, which means there’s one hour and 47 minutes left before I get to have my mid-morning shake. And another two hours after that before I eat my first “light meal” of the day. I haven’t had coffee in nearly a week, and my head is still feeling like frogs are moshing around inside it, having some kind of amphibious punk party. I want a piece of chocolate. I want a bagel with butter melting over the sides. I want to die. Correction: I want to eat.
In other words, I’m detoxing. The new Eleven Eleven Wellness Remove Detox isn’t really that onerous by the standards of other cleanses out there—you can eat, after all—but in some ways, it’s harder to accommodate at first than a juice fast or the like. There’s more to figure out. Dr. Frank Lipman, the founder of Eleven Eleven Wellness, author of Revive: Stop Feeling Spent and Feel Great Again, and health guru to Gwyneth Paltrow, among others—is not particularly interested in temporary asceticism. As I’ve come to see it, about one week into Remove, Dr. Lipman has designed his plan to break you of your bad, energy-sapping nutritional habits while it trains you to embrace better ones. Snacking on an apple with raw almond butter instead of a brownie, for example. Reaching for mint tea instead of Diet Coke. By the end of two weeks, if all goes as planned, I’ll have bleached my system of every possible food I might be sensitive to; regularized my digestion; kicked the sugar and caffeine monkeys off my back; and will be feeling atypically full of vim and vigor. I ought to drop a few loose pounds in the process, too. So what’s not to like? Here’s a few things: I can’t eat dairy products, soy products, any of the many delicious products containing gluten, anything processed, fried, or involving the word “refined.” Also on the no-no list: shellfish, raw fish, tuna, tomatoes (for God’s sake!), strawberries, and bananas.
What I have eaten for lunch and dinner so far includes salad and apples, and grilled chicken and quinoa, respectively—which are accompanied by a packet of Eleven Eleven Wellness pills containing digestive enzymes. If I want, I can pop a glutamine pill, which is supposed to curb sugar cravings. (Sugar is the least of my problems, it turns out.) And then there are those shakes—whey protein-based mixtures concocted by Eleven Eleven that straddle the line between vaguely unappealing and moderately OK-tasting. Honestly, a week of this and I’m ready to give up.
Except…Here’s the thing. If you ever played sports as a kid and had a really great coach, then you understand that feeling of not wanting to disappoint that person. “You can do it, killer! I know you’ve got it in you!” Ace that serve. Beat that time. Learn to love quinoa. Dr. Lipman is a really great coach. I think it’s entirely possible that he takes it more personally than I do that I’ve been feeling run-down lately, and he wants to help—in that teach-a-man-to-fish way. When I left my initial consultation with Dr. Lipman, I was determined to make Detox varsity, like Gwyneth. Detox State Finals. Detox All-American!!! Uh, yeah. Anyway, that’s why, as I round the corner to week two, I’m avoiding Dr. Lipman’s calls. To be continued…